It's day 2 of recovery. I don't want to change my life, I need to. It only occurred to me to start blogging about it today.
Yesterday was relatively easy to stay away from food because I was too nervous to eat (my phone is broken and at the shop. Everything is on it and I'm so screwed, I swear).
Today is getting a bit more difficult. I logged in to LJ and the first thing I see is a community promo that had a choc chip cookie image. Thanks LJ =/
I think one of the hardest things to deal with in regards to ED recovery is...
The secrecy. I've kept this a secret for so long that recovering also becomes a part of the secret. This means that I can relapse at any time because nothing is out of bounds. No one knows not to make comments about my weight, food or anything in relation. It's going to be SO incredibly easy for anything to set me off and I could just be like "fuck it, why do I care" BUT I NEED TO REMEMBER THAT I DO CARE!! I've wanted to be normal and happy for so long and there's no better time than now cos I could drop dead at any second from all of this shit.
It's also getting really hard to keep the alcohol to social events only. I'm so used to drinking on a daily basis but I'm stopping because of the rashes, bruises and blisters that only seemed to appear after drunken days/nights.
- Recovery Days 1 & 2