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6/3/14 post: Bitchy Girls, Pill-Poppers and Chocolate fondue

Today I weighed 93.6kgs as of this morning and I had lunch with Noor 2 hours ago. Tank salad, large. Fruits aren't so much an enemy of mine anymore. Bulimia pretty much still is. I've been craving pills like no tomorrow. Not only have I raided everyone's homes for anything mind-altering but I've even finished my 120 Tramadols and now I'm just pissed off with myself. Perhaps i should go to that 'miracle' doctor (Simon) but every time I book an appt. I end up crying 'pain' in hopes of a tram script. At this rate I'd settle for codeine pills but nope...just gonna have to stick with cwe's. every once in a while. i dont want to go back to drinking like before but the effects of alcohol make it way too easy.
Chocolate lounge with brogan in a few hours. i need to stay away from the insane amount of calories people pay for like no tomorrow. Will probably share chocolate fondue and lay low on the actual chocolate part of it. I'm not pulling my hair out much or anything anymore though so...that's good. I do need to lose weight though. I'm just gonna live on fruits, vegetables and occasionally tofu.

Uni is not going great. i'm in class right now and have no idea what to do for any of my classes which is giving me anxiety like no tomorrow. i really should try out this simon dude. i'll book an appt. today actually. i can't go on like this. constant anxiety, freaking out about uni, family shit, figuring out my next high. it's too much. or maybe i'm just feeling sorry for myself. Mary, a pretty Zooey Deschanel look-alike in my classes seems super cool and fun, but when I tried talking to her she dismissed me the way every other bitchy girl did in school. Annabelle flashbacks, much? Maybe I'm just being harsh. I'll give her more time before I label her I guess.

wait...this is about my eating disorder...why am i distracting? maybe cos it's one of my best qualities. back to the point: weightloss.
everyone has been up my vagina (and not in a good way) about me losing weight and I actually have been eating much healthier than usual but the scale won't budge!!!!! it's completely pissing me off and makes me want to starve but of course that would result in binging then purging and that's what i'm trying to avoid. and clubbing tomorrow night with the girls?!?! are you fucking kidding me?? what was i thinking?? of course every group needs a heffer -_-

GOAL: 17th March (St. Patricks): 89.0kgs



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